The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. One lived in a straw hut, one lived in a twig hut, and one lived in a car. One day, the Big Bad Wolf, a surly fellow as bristly as the hair on his rather flabby chest, huffed and puffed and blew down the straw hut and ate the little pig that lived in it. This brought on both an asthma attack and terrible indigestion, killing the Big Bad Wolf. The two little pigs that were left took this as a wake-up call. Abandoning the twig hut and armed with 3 bags of potato chips and a six-pack of Miller Lite, they drove to Hollywood in the prized 1974 Mary Kay pink Cadillac to pursue their ebullient dreams. While exceedingly comfortable and with functional radio and AC, it did get terrible gas mileage. Luckily, they only had to drive the 12 miles from Glendale. They bought an abandoned donut shop they spotted on the corner of West Sunset and Vine, converted it to a massage parlor, and they lived happily ever after.